Trust Your Own Instincts And Don’t Allow Others To Rush You Back Into The Dating After Divorce.
Divorce is a painful and stressful experience for all but a lucky few. The thought of being single again can be a completely daunting and frightening experience and a part of your life that you thought was long gone. A grieving process occurs for most people following divorce as it is the death of your marriage. If the divorce was traumatizing, it could be months or even years before you want to try dating again and the thought is the last thing on your mind. The time comes when you will (however unnerving) start to look to the future rather than dwelling on the past.
At Some Point You Will Start To Think About Dating After Divorce
It is nothing to be ashamed of to have apprehensions, and so talking to friends and maybe a professional such as a counselor may help you to get your head on straight. This can enable you to embark on your new, fresh beginning without being plagued by the thoughts and emotions that you feel. Also you must bear in mind the fact that every dater out there feels insecure and nervous sometimes, and there is no need to deny it as it is only natural. The thought of your first time dating after divorce, the potential first kiss and first sexual experience with a new person is incredibly intimidating.
So How Can You Get Back Into Dating After Divorce?
Especially after a long marriage you may begin to have the realisation that you do not even remember who you are as an individual. What are your likes and interests, and who are YOU? This can be a fun and exhilarating adventure, and exploring yourself fully and what makes you as an individual happy can help you to find the right match second time around. Maybe new activities and events that your previous spouse was not interested in could help you to meet new like minded people. Open your mind to different kinds of women that you may not have pictured yourself with back when you were 24. You have changed a lot I am sure, and be careful not to stick to a ‘type’ that you think you have.
Once you feel that you are ready to get back on dating after divorce, make sure that you go into it with a positive outlook. Of course your date will be interested in the basics of why your relationship ended and what you hope for your next but keep personal details to a minimum at the beginning, and only share your intimate stories for when you feel that the other person deserves to hear them.
No date wants to watch you guzzle the whole bottle of Chardonnay whilst weeping over your tragic marriage. Most likely you will not see that date again. Also bitching about your ex will not give a good impression, and will give the idea that you are still bitter and are not ready for a new relationship. If you feel that either of these ‘dating after divorce disasters’ are inevitable, then maybe you are not as ready as you thought and need more time to lay low and heal your mental wounds.
One of the main keys to dating again is to not make it your whole life. Enjoy your new life with friends and family also. Also if you do not have many single friends, cultivating friendships with other singles can really open your horizons and many new doors of opportunity. People who may have been through similar experiences can really help you move on and see that single life can be great at any age. There is no rush to jump straight into another relationship just for a sense of security.
If you have a particular encounter where you feel that tingle in your toes and shudder of your heart then make sure that you take it slow. Many people after being in a marriage for so long are used to being in a couple and forget the process before two people who connect become a partnership. Be trusting, open and honest with a potential new lover but take it step by step. With dating after divorce there are many boundaries and issues that must be crossed such as children, past partners and finances, but more than likely, your date will be going through the same.
Not every date that you go on will be your next mate. Think of a date as well….a date; simply meeting someone nice and friendly who is good company, hopefully pleasant on the eye and having a good time. It is an enjoyable escape from the everyday and it should be thought of as just that. If anything more comes out of it then that is an added bonus. Get it back on and start dating after divorce!